Thursday, April 20, 2017

A NEW WAY OF THINKING



I am reading a book that has profoundly changed my way of thinking. For me, it has answered the question of who we are, why we are here, why we suffer, and what is our purpose. The book has also introduced the concept that we have two different thought processes - ego thought and divine thought.

Ego thoughts are derived from fear, which manifests as anger, hate, guilt and resentment. They bounce from the past to the future.

Divine thoughts come from love, expressed as joy, gratitude, compassion, and are always in the present mind.

Back in 2011, I remember Dr. Gurevich telling me “it’s time to change the way you think.”  I remember being shocked at these words.  “My thinking is fine,” I thought. But I was so wrong. At that time, I wasn’t aware of my thoughts. I had no idea that I was engulfed in ego thought and that most of these subconscious thoughts were looping around in my mind and repeating the same mantra over and over again...I am a victim, I am being punished, I’m not good enough!!
I started to become aware of my thoughts when I was washing the dinner dishes one night. All of a sudden, my thoughts churned up past feelings of being pissed off at either my mom, or a childhood friend, or someone in my past that I believed had wronged me.

One evening, when I was preparing dinner, the thought that I was pissed off at my mother for something she said to me when I was in high school, popped into my head. It was as if my mom was right next to me, talking in an authoritative, unloving voice of disapproval of one of my  friends at that time. I remember feeling suffocated and trapped. She did not want to hear my reason for our friendship. She just didn’t like the way this person looked. Her opinion was purely based on the way he looked. I felt that I couldn’t get through to her and there was nothing I can do. I felt a rage coming over me, I despised her at that time, for being so judging.  I remember thinking, I couldn’t wait to get out of the house and get away from her. And where did this drama unfold?

In the kitchen, while preparing dinner!

And that’s when it hit me:

Was this past thought jumping up every time I prepared dinner? Could this be a reason why preparing even a simple dinner  was so burdening for me? Sure enough, the next night, my thoughts were instantly going back to the same past argument with my mother. How was I going to get this out of my head? What I didn’t realize at that time
was that I already begun the process of letting go that thought. I had become aware of one thought that was causing me anger, grief and literally torturing me every time I prepared dinner.


At that time, I was still sick with Lyme symptoms, so I turned to Dr. Gurevich to help me to let go of this past trauma. Releasing conditioned ego thoughts are very hard to do on your own. (See The Holistic Dr. Goodsoul for my therapy session with Dr. Gurevich)



Since I am symptom free now, I have found wonderful practitioners near me, who have helped to shift my thoughts of fear and anger to love and forgiveness.


Douglas Economy, a Holistic Psychotherapist and Life Coach,  specializes in Family Constellation workshops, and  has helped me to release past trauma and see myself and my loved ones, in a loving and joyful way.  Family constellation work is a powerful therapy that has profoundly changed my life! (See Systemic Family Constellation - A Miracle Therapy) for more info.

Kathy Moser is a gifted CranioSacral Therapist who has helped me to resolve physical as well as emotional pain. She has helped me to connect to my Spiritual Self and to the truth of who I am. Kathy is part of my life  journey in forgiveness work and staying healthy in mind, body and spirit. (See CranioSacral Therapy & Somato Emotional Release for my healing session with Kathy).

I feel very blessed that Douglas and Kathy are part of my journey of wellness. I am also blessed that they have helped me to  decipher and understand the life changing book that I mentioned earlier. For this book, is the foundation to a new way of thinking for me. Thinking without fear, without judgment, and with forgiveness, is very new to me.  And that is why I am now a student.
A student in learning to think and act with love and kindness. A student of forgiving and letting go. A student of transforming my thoughts into my “heaven on Earth.”
I am blessed to be a student of “A Course in Miracles.”

 It’s got all the answers.



Tuesday, February 14, 2017

I WANT TO KNOW WHAT LOVE IS


Back in the 80’s, I had a nice little solo career playing piano and singing in piano bars all throughout the tri-state area. One of my popular request songs was “I Want to Know What Love Is” by the band Foreigner. When I was singing the song back then, I never really thought about the words - I just loved to belt out the chorus and get everyone to join in with me:

I WANT TO KNOW WHAT LOVE IS
I WANT YOU TO SHOW ME
I WANT TO FEEL WHAT LOVE IS
I KNOW YOU CAN SHOW ME

I recently just heard it again on a classic rock station and this time, the words got me thinking... - “I want to know what love is”...hmmm….

Do I really know what love is?  Or... is it possible that I just have an idea of what love is? Maybe we all have an idea of what love is but there is so much more to love that we are not aware of?  I’m not talking about a romantic love - which is temporary. I’m talking about a love that defines each of us. A real love that is within us, connects us, surrounds us and never dies. A real love that is safe and eternal.

But, in our society, we receive mixed messages in the name of love. Especially when it comes to loving ourselves. We aren’t taught to look at ourselves in a kind way. We aren’t taught to respect and honor ourselves without judgment. When we look in the mirror, do these words reflect back to us?

“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.  It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.” - 1 Corinthians 13:4-7


“Love rejoices with the truth.” So what is the truth? What is real love? Is real love loaded with drama? Is real love so complicated? Is real love somehow tied to fear?

Love and drama sure seem to go hand and hand.  I recently had a crisis in my family that led me to see a vision of this perception.

In December, my  90 year old mother fell in her house and was in the hospital for almost a week. She had no broken bones but was very dehydrated and weak. While waiting to be discharged, she tried walking without her oxygen, collapsed in a chair and stopped breathing. This all happened in a matter of seconds. I called the nurse and within a flash, my mom’s room was filled with a team of nurses and doctors to the rescue.  She was resuscitated very quickly and recovered.

While driving home, later that night, I broke down, sobbing and shaking and praying to God, please get me home alive. While hysterical, I prayed to the inner guidance within me and I began to calm down. And that’s when it hit me. I was reacting in fear. I was shaking and sobbing - because of fear - not love.

At that moment, I realized that my mother and I had this entanglement of love and fear all our lives. Since I was very young, my mother had this abnormal fear for my safety. This fear is still with her.  Now, it was my turn to fear for her. I was fearing for her safety. When I saw her almost die, I felt like I almost died.  

And then,  it became very clear to me  - I saw my mother as a reflection of who I believed I was.

My mom’s close brush with death was a trigger that woke me to the thought that I was seeing myself and the world around me through the eyes of a confusing mix of love and fear. Like my mother, I believed fear and love were somehow connected - you were supposed to fear for yourself. You were supposed to fear for your loved ones. You were supposed to fear for your spouse, your partner. You were supposed to fear for your children.

This crisis was my opportunity for me to learn that  fear has nothing to do with love.

NOTHING!!

And it was also an opportunity for me to shift my perspective from seeing myself and my world from the eyes of fear...to the eyes of love.


To be cont.