"My spiritual path has led me to believe that death is just a passing in which you leave your body behind, but your soul or spirit is infinite. You are conscious after death and you have awareness. We are God-consciousness, love and light. This is who we really are. Heaven is within each of us. Hell is a concept that was created out of fear, out of the human mind. It is not a divine thought, a God thought - so it is not real. And it is your beliefs, that will lead you to your next journey."
My mom listened intently and I believe was comforted by my words. And I also believe, that she never forgot them.
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| Mom, age 18, in 1944 |
On the morning of February 16th, I got a call from the assisted living that my mom had passed away. She wasn't sick. She fell in her room, regained consciousness, said a few words, then stopped breathing.
I was shocked to hear the news, but at the same time, I knew that it was her time, and
I believe, she knew it too. She was 91 and was ready for her next journey. But nothing or no one can prepare you for seeing a loved one dead. Facing our own mortality is the biggest fear that we humans can face. We are terrified of death! We don't understand it! Yet it is inevitable for each and every one of us.
So here I was - about to face my own fear of death. I dreaded walking into my mother's room. I dreaded seeing her lifeless body. I dreaded thinking that she was dead and not breathing. Was this really happening? Was this a bad dream? A nightmare I couldn't wake up from? It felt so unreal. So incomprehensible. My head was spinning as the fear encompassed every cell of my being.
I pulled myself together enough to be able to drive to the assisted living. The dreaded moment had finally arrived. I slowly and hesitantly tiptoed into her room. Mom was lying on the bed. She looked like she was sleeping, with the exception of being very, very still. I went over to the bed, and then something unexpected and amazing happened.
I could feel this buoyant, joyous feeling around her. Was this my mother's spirit soaring? Mom's soul singing? I felt this beautiful, loving energy throughout my body and throughout the room. And I wasn't alone to witness this miracle. Safiya (the empathic director of the Memory Care floor) felt it, too. And that wasn't all.
A crystal clear vision of my mom popped into my head. It was as if she was trying to communicate with me. She was much younger, with shoulder length black hair, running through a field and laughing. I felt her happiness and light around me, and through me.
I felt my mom's presence and sensed that she had awareness. And at that moment,
I knew that her spirit, her soul, would always exist. What a relief! She would be ok. She would always be ok. And that's when I knew that when it was my time, I would be ok too.
I sat on the bed beside her and whispered through my tears: "Mom, I love you - always have...always will. Thank you for being my greatest teacher."
And as if a spell had been broken, the last vestiges of the fear, anger, anxiety, emotional pain and guilt of our difficult mother-daughter relationship completely melted away. Our past drama, which was a huge part of my life, simply disappeared. My thoughts instantly became lucent as I witnessed the miraculous reward of my years of forgiveness work. My heart overflowed with love and gratitude. I was now free to choose the memories that made me feel good. I was now free to choose the memories that made me feel loved.
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| Mom and me on her 91st birthday. |
Through my mother's passing, I learned that our bodies don't last forever, but out spirits do. We, as spirit beings, are eternal light and love. I experienced her light and love, so I believe it.
And I now believe that death is really a transition. Transitioning to the life of matter to the spiritual state. A new beginning and a new journey. A journey of different experiences, self-discovery and higher awareness. A journey of possibilities.
So who could be afraid of that?
Happy journey, mom!
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