Tuesday, October 23, 2012

Healing Through Forgiveness

Forgiveness liberates the soul. It removes fear. That is why it is such a powerful weapon. 
                                                Nelson Mandela (Invictus) 2009

I was taking  piano lessons from a teacher who had very high standards and very rarely praised any of her students.   I won many competitions and played with a symphony orchestra at a young age.  However, no matter how well I played, I felt that I “just wasn’t good enough.”  Could this be why I felt I never fully reached my full potential as a musician? I always felt something inside was blocking me. It was like a fear.  A fear of “not being good enough.”

The particular phrase, “I’m not good enough”, brought back one specific memory of a  piano performance. I had made it to the finals of a state competition and I remember being terrified of blanking out in the middle of the piece. My thoughts were so consumed with forgetting the music that I actually did blank out. I ended up taking second place and feeling incredibly disappointed in myself. And then I thought of how my teacher would react. She was so…oh my God, that’s when it hit me. My teacher was so demanding and highly critical that nothing was ever good enough. No matter how hard I worked, there was always something to improve or perfect. No matter how well I played, I never received positive feedback. I could never make her happy.

She saw me as a future concert pianist. That’s why she was so hard on me. The problem was that I did not know what I wanted. I did not know if I had what it took to make it in such a demanding field. I did not know if I wanted to pursue a career in performing classical music. I loved rock! I loved listening to WNEW - FM! I loved listening to progressive bands like Emerson, Lake and Palmer! (My teenage dream was to be able to play like Keith Emerson – the bands ingeniously talented and creative keyboard wiz.)  And, of course, I loved classical, too. But classical piano was a study for me. Classical piano meant work, discipline, time, and the constant pressure of perfection. And, always at the back of my mind was a little voice saying, “would I ever be good enough”?

As I recalled this past event, Dr. Rasa had me wear green colored plastic glasses and  told me to stare at the pendulum that she swung right above my face. Uncontrollable tears started to roll down my cheeks as I recalled these painful memories. Reassuringly, she told me that I was now aware of the source of these emotions and I was ready to release it. So, as I lay on her examining table, I repeated these healing words that were prompted by her:

“I was a child. You were the adult. I wanted to do my best. I wanted to make you happy. You were my teacher. You wanted the best for me. You taught me to the best of your ability. I was hurt. I looked up to you… You didn’t understand my feelings. You felt you were doing your best… I’m sorry that I couldn’t make you happy. I’m sorry that you didn’t understand my feelings… I forgive you. I forgive you. I forgive you...”

As I recited these words, I followed Dr. Rasa’s instruction and began to tap with all my fingers on these specific acupuncture points -  the top of my head, above my eyebrows, on my temples, back of my neck, on my cheekbone, above my lip, above my chin, using the sides of my hand (like a chicken) on my ribs, and my chest.*

I was in a stupor. I was reliving this moment in my past as if it was happening right then and now. But saying the words, “I forgive you” to my former piano teacher was completely surreal.  I never realized how powerful those words are. I never realized that I was harming myself!  I always knew that my teacher wanted the best for me. That’s why I never thought of looking for a more emotionally positive substitute. I can’t deny that she inspired and motivated me to play my best. But my teenage years were awkward and clumsy. I was slightly chubby and had acne. My self-esteem was at an all time low. I felt that playing piano was the only thing going for me so I put all of my eggs into that basket. So, when I heard criticism from my teacher, I took it personally. When I heard that my playing wasn’t good enough, I took it to heart. I made it hard for myself. I just didn’t know it at that time. I also didn’t know how it would affect me for the rest of my life.

So, I had to forgive her. I had to let it go. I had to release this incapacitating feeling of not being good enough! I had to do it… to heal!  This feeling was affecting my whole entire being. And, frankly, I was tired of it. My days of not being good enough were over and I say good riddance!  So, with one long, sobby breath, I whispered, I forgive you, I forgive you, I forgive you.”  

And as I repeated those magical words, a wave of deep serenity flowed through me.  I could actually feel this heaviness lift from my body. I felt at peace. I felt good.

This was the beginning of my return to wellness. About a month later, I started to feel better. I truly believed that my body was healing. My chronic symptoms became less burdensome and some were disappearing altogether.

Releasing negativity is a healing process that anyone can do. If we think of ourselves in a negative way, we are harming ourselves. If we think of others in a negative way, we are also harming ourselves. We are emotional beings. Emotions have frequencies! When we replace the damaging frequencies of negative thoughts with the nurturing frequencies of  forgiveness, love and gratitude, we are helping ourselves. It’s that simple.
Forgiving others is one of the greatest gifts that you can give yourself. When you forgive those who hurt you, you are radiating an invisible healing light throughout your body. You are also sending these healing frequencies to the other person. It is a win-win situation. Believe me, it works and you’ll feel the difference!

I am learning to be in a positive frame of mind. I am learning to release the “bad vibes” that may come my way or that I may project upon myself.  The feeling of “not being good enough is long gone, thank God!

The first step in a positive direction is being aware. I’m aware of what makes me content, now. I’m aware of what makes me happy. Being aware is a daily process. 

Being aware is what it’s all about.

*APN – Applied Psycho-Neurobiology-  is a deep therapeutic technique for treating the origin of disease. Taught in the US by Dietrich Klinghardt, M.D., Ph.D., APN is the result of the work of many physiologists, researchers, psychotherapists, psychologists, medical doctors and patient. Combining these disciplines provides a more balanced level of healing than standard approaches… The results are subtle, deep and permanent. Many find this process to be life-transforming.

The theory and research suggest that all life events are recorded by the subconscious. Memories of these events can be complete and resolved or unresolved. The unresolved psycho-emotional conflicts are the most common cause of illness and chronic pain. Unresolved conflicts create significant bioelectrical disturbances in conflict specific areas of the brain, producing abnormal neuropeptides and abnormal electrical currents which reach the hypothalamus, sending out stress signals which create dysfunctions in related organs.

APN is designed to identify the unresolved psycho-emotional conflict and uncouple the unresolved conflict from the nervous system, thereby diffusing the source of chronic illness.

APN is one of many approaches using acumeridian points, tapping on them to influence the flow of energies.

© Danette Whelan 2012

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