DEPRESSION, CHRONIC ILLNESS & THE TRUE MEANING OF CHRISTMAS

When I was a  little kid, I absolutely  loved the Christmas season. I loved the store decorations, the Christmas music, making Christmas cookies and anticipating Santa Claus dropping off presents around the Christmas tree. As I think back I realized that I had only one thought on my mind. “What was I going to get for Christmas? Would Santa get me the toys that I asked him for?” ”Already at my young age, I was conditioned to think  that Santa would make me happy by getting me a toy or a doll. And it did make me happy for awhile. Until it didn’t. 

The perfect Christmas card! (1996)

As I got older, Santa was out of the picture, but my childish thoughts were still focused on what  I would get for Christmas.  Don’t get me wrong. I loved getting together with family and helping my mom with the Christmas preparations but my thoughts always seemed to go to a dream present that would make me happy. Was I being selfish? Or was it something else?

It wasn’t until I became  chronically sick with Lyme disease  that I realized that I didn’t need presents to make me happy. I felt sick every day. I didn’t need presents under the Christmas tree. I now wished to get better.

I wished to be well. I wished to have my life back.

My main symptoms were chronic fatigue, brain fog, depression, digestive problems, hypothyroidism, chemical sensitivities and environmental and food allergies. My sickness brought out the worst in me. I became overwhelmed and stressed  with each passing day. Life was a struggle.  And when you are feeling lousy, the holidays can be slow torture.

I began to resent all the “extra”  Christmas preparations that I felt that I had to do:

• CHRISTMAS CARDS: I grew up believing that Christmas cards were an important part of the Christmas season. I remember counting all the Christmas cards we would receive and my mother making a big deal of it.  When I became a mom, I also  felt it was absolutely necessary to send Christmas  cards, too. But when I got sick, I didn’t have the energy for anything extra, so I dreaded the whole process  of taking the perfect picture of my kids (had to be a photo card!) and writing the addresses on all the  envelopes (about 60). And to top it all off, on Christmas day, my mother would always want to know how many cards I received! So sending Christmas cards became a stressful drama that I ended up resenting instead of enjoying.

• CHRISTMAS SHOPPING: I couldn’t stand all the perfumes and fake evergreen scents that permeated stores and my  overly sensitive eyes burned and teared up from the florescent lighting.

• CHRISTMAS BAKING: Sugar, sweets, etc., caused my symptoms to worsen so I had to stop eating it. As a result, baking all these goodies that I couldn’t eat made me feel  exhausted and deprived.

• CHRISTMAS DECORATING: I decorated my house to cheer myself up but I confess I also felt I had to  to keep up with my friends who lavishly over decorated their homes.

• CHRISTMAS PARTIES:  I couldn’t drink - my already fuzzy brain couldn’t handle alcohol.

For many years, I just wasn’t in the Christmas spirit.  Christmas had become an obligation.

And ... depressing!

When I began to slowly recover from chronic illness, I started to become aware of my thoughts. I was awakened to the thought that happiness  comes from within. And then the next time Christmas rolled around, I began to change my tune. I realized that I had forgotten the real meaning of Christmas. The real meaning had nothing to do with sending Christmas cards, shopping for the perfect gift, baking or decorating.

The real meaning is celebrating the birth of Jesus Christ - the greatest healer and teacher of all time. Jesus brought us  the true  Christmas message:  unconditional love, forgiveness and compassion. Jesus healed through unconditional love. Jesus taught us “to forgive those who hurt you.” Jesus taught us to have compassion for the poor and the suffering. He taught us not judge each other.  Jesus taught us that God is within each of us and that we are unconditional love. Jesus taught us the golden rule: "Do unto others as they would do unto you.”

And this is why we celebrate Christmas. And with this new realization, I began to feel better during the Christmas season. Instead of feeling burdened, I began to feel blessed! Instead of feeling deprived, I began to feel thankful! Instead of feeling depressed and alone in my dark thoughts, I began to have more loving thoughts toward myself and others.  And, of course, I had to dial down on the holiday activities that were stressing me out!

So now I can relax a little more and enjoy the Christmas season. I send cards to only those who send me cards and I’m not pressured to send them before Christmas. I do my holiday shopping mostly online! I bake a traditional dessert for Christmas Day and make a healthier and satisfying substitute for myself. And if I feel like it, I will decorate a little. I’m not comparing myself to anyone any more. It just doesn’t make me feel good. And since my recovery I am clear headed, so I can drink a little wine on social occasions.

I can now say that I feel blessed and thankful during the holidays.The child in me has reemerged and she has no expectations and no obligations. I am thankful for everything that I have. And I am happy just to be.

Each of us  can live with the Christmas spirit of goodwill, love and compassion every day of our lives - no matter what our religion is.  For we are all a  part of God’s unconditional love here on Earth.

And with that joyous thought, I wish everyone a Blessed Christmas and a Happy, Healthy and Safe New Year!

God Bless Us!  

HOW TO LIVE YOUNG - THANK YOU, JACK LA LANNE!

“Good health and good intellect are the two greatest blessings in life. If you are born with health, as most of us are, you have hope. And if you have hope you have everything.” from the book

Live Young Forever by Jack LaLanne

I have a birthday coming up.  Whoop - dee- doo. A few years back, I hit the big 5 - 0 so now as I steep in Middle Agedom and  creep closer to  AARP senior benefits, my wish is to stay as youthful as I possibly can and not feel like an old bag!  

Yep! I want to think, act, look and feel young!  I want to look at myself in the mirror and say: “Wow! I look good...for someone over the hill.” Or “Not bad” - for an old lady.”

Or wait one minute...what did I just say?

My thoughts said that I was “over the hill” and “an old lady”. Now... how am I going to act, feel, look and THINK young with thoughts like that?  

The sad truth is that I have a lot of company. Many people see aging as a CURSE!   And I know for a fact that  many women are scared to death of growing old and  getting wrinkly, feeble, fat, bent over, shriveled up, useless, sickly and unattractive. Our society glorifies youth!  Let’s face it, anti-aging cosmetics and procedures  are a booming business.  Men and women spend a lot of money trying to turn back the clock.  But if negative thoughts of aging are still at the back of everyone’s mind over 50 (realistically over 40!), then any work done “on the outside” is only a temporary fix.

I  truly believe that there is a silent epidemic of undiagnosed depression among Baby Boomers and seniors.  Does that surprise you?   

The question I have is how can we change this? How can we change negative thought patterns about aging? Is it possible to tap into the fountain of youth and age with dignity, good health, vitality and joy? Is it possible to view aging as a BLESSING?

I found my answer in the book Live Young Forever written by  iconic fitness guru, Jack La Lanne when he was 95 years old.

Jack LaLanne, now that’s a name I’ve not heard in a long time( to quote Obi-Wan) had a popular exercise and fitness TV show, The Jack LaLanne Show, that ran between 1953 and 1985.(As a kid, I remember standing in front of our big black and white TV and doing “jumping jacks”  with Jack! )

Jack, known as “The Godfather of Fitness” was also considered a crackpot!  He was crazy about staying fit! He would preach with this over the top  evangelical enthusiasm, the importance of  exercise, good nutrition, staying in shape and to top it all off, wore this tight knit jumpsuit that well,  ok - looked ridiculous.  But  remember, this was back in the 60’s.  We  knew very little about nutrition and staying fit. (And thanks to  Elvis, male jumpsuits became a little more in vogue! ;))

When Jack opened up his first modern gym in 1936, doctors were completely against him… “They said working out with weights would give people heart attacks, they would lose their sex drive and women would look like men.”

But the truth is that Jack was way ahead of his time.  Jack looked great and was in great shape well into his nineties.  He had tons of energy, was very healthy, loved what he did, was exuberantly happy,  and wound up living a long life. Hey, wait, maybe Jack was onto something…(Watch this vintage video - Jack was a great motivational speaker.)

In his book, Live Young Forever, Jack La Lanne shares  his philosophies and a  lifestyle course for “optimum health, fitness and longevity” in 12 steps. Jack “fervently believes that every human being can attain maximum health and fitness”. This is my philosophy too.  Here are the 12 steps to a healthier and better you, with love from Jack:

STEP 1: MOTIVATION - You were born with the greatest gift of all: physical health. So why are you continuing to let it get away? This is the time to answer the question: Are you going to continue as you have, clogging your arteries, and adding layers of fat to every part of your body, risking ill health, aches and pains and an early grave? Or are you going to devote the rest of your life to being fit, feeling eternally great and eating only healthy nutrition that will not only keep you tight and lean but will stand you in a good stead to live for longer than the average person?

To get and stay motivated: Check yourself out in the mirror; relax and get mad. Read books and magazines that have inspiring photos and articles. Develop a positive attitude and visualize how amazing you are going to be!  Recognize that willpower has to be nurtured. You have the ability to rev up your engine of commitment and never give up!

STEP 2: STEP AWAY FROM KILLER HABITS AND REDUCE STRESS - Do everything that is healthy for you mind and body. No junk food, excessive prescription drugs,  recreational drugs,or cigarettes, and very limited alcohol. Work out at least three days a week. Learn to completely relax at different times during the day. Don’t chase massive wealth or actively seek happiness through possessions. Happiness comes from within.  If someone cuts you off on the highway, or a friend, coworker or family member gives you a scowl or shows aggression, ignore it. Let no one, and I mean no one, ruin your day.

STEP 3: HAVING GOOD HABITS: Eat organic, natural foods when possible Strive to reduce junk-food intake to zero. No tanning beds. No smoking. Wash your skin thoroughly on a daily basis. Natural cotton products are superior to those containing polyester. Turn that frown into a smile, now.

STEP 4: EATING CLEAN:  You are what you eat. What you eat today will be walking and talking tomorrow. Food is what we use to build and repair our body tissue. The quality of blood, brain and muscles will be in direct relation to the quality of the food you eat. Choose fresh foods instead of canned as much as possible. Try to purchase only organically raised meats and fish.

STEP 5: MAINTAIN PERFECT POSTURE:  Always sit and stand with your back straight. A strong erect posture expresses to the world at large strength of will, alertness, poise and joy of living. Good posture is needed for proper balance and a prerequisite for a healthy body.  Correct posture helps control stress.

STEP 6: STAY  WELL HYDRATED -  Drink  natural mineral or spring water whenever possible. Filter your tap water. Limit the amount of caffeinated drinks you consume.

STEP 7: STRETCHING - Stretching warms up your muscles, increases flexibility and balance, improves circulation, strengthens tendons, ligaments and muscles, increases coordination and agility and makes you feel confident in the knowledge that you are supple, lithe and limber.

STEP 8: FIND SOME ENERGY:  Fatigue is a growing hazard in America. Countless thousands of North Americans visit their doctors every day with western society’s most common malady - chronic tiredness. Why does the zest go out of our lives? The causes of fatigue are legion, ranging from actual lack of sleep to an under active thyroid to a bad relationship with a fellow colleague at work. Here are other reasons for fatigue: Strong negative emotions, like anger and fear,  depression, eyestrain, shopping, too much sleep, financial worries, loneliness, overwork at the office and dehydration.

STEP 9: BE IN A STEADY RELATIONSHIP - A good relationship cannot be beat. Find the right partner in life. Be loyal and work together as a team. Resist the temptation to let that relationship fall into the trap of resentment, jealousy, envy and bitterness. Be kind to one another. I believe that when two people get together in love and seek a common goal, anything is possible. Choose your mate wisely and live in a strong, productive and rewarding relationship.

STEP 10: WORK OUT -  Exercise could almost be called nature’s cure-all. It’s amazing in its powers. Exercise helps you  increase your energy, it cleans out your arteries, improves your posture,  increases your mobility, adds muscle and tone, improves strength, builds confidence, burns fat, strengthens bones, hypes your metabolism, augments your flexibility, strengthens your immune system, and shapes your body like nothing else in the world.

STEP 11: NEVER RETIRE: Statistics indicate that most men who retire die within five years of retiring. If it is necessary for you to retire, get another less demanding job, or a challenging hobby. We must all have an active interest in life. Stagnating on the couch watching game shows on TV is not the way to go. The only profession I know where people don’t retire is acting. It’s true that actors don’t retire; they just get offered fewer roles. lol!

STEP 12: CONSUME PLENTY OF FRUITS AND VEGETABLES:  Juicing has been a part of my life since my late teens. Before I started juicing, I was a sugarholic. My love affair with ice cream and sodas actually made me sick. I got boils and pimples and the sugar destroyed the B vitamins and affected my brain, making me both hot-tempered and confused. I got so sick that I dropped out of school for six months.

Your body has some 80 trillion cells that are alive, and in my opinion if you put foodless, dead, processed, chemical-filled foods into your body you are not going to be properly nourished. Put raw and vital foods into your body and you will feel alive and energetic.

                                

“Feeling alive and energetic” is Jack’s mantra throughout his book. Feeling alive and energetic is what it is all about!   I never thought I would ever say this but Jack La Lanne has inspired me to live and think young! My wish is to have a wonderful zest for life, be physically fit, mentally sound and healthy when I reach my golden years!  Well, who wouldn’t? Thinking  happy healthy thoughts, eating healthy food, exercising, feeling blessed, and being grateful is a great way to live.  And as the years add on...so what? If you think younger, you will look younger. If you think healthy thoughts, you will feel healthy. If you think you are amazing...then you will be amazing!

I am learning to live young. I am striving to be the best that I can be.I am learning to feel alive and energetic each and every day!  And if I can do it - then you can too!  And this is my wish for you! ( Here is Jack - at 88!)

“The most important person in the world is you. You came into this life alone and you’re going to leave it alone. But in between, make the rest of your life...the best of your life.” Jack La Lanne

SYSTEMIC FAMILY CONSTELLATION - A MIRACLE THERAPY

Dr. Valerie Hunt, author of Infinite Minds: Science of the Human Vibrations of Consciousness, was a scientist and and physiological researcher of human energy fields. She also was the first to discover vibration patterns during pain, disease and illness, and in emotional and spiritual states.

Her research led to this groundbreaking observation:

“Thoughts are events in the mind field that are available not only to the consciousness of the creator, but also to other minds. Our thoughts are not private but rather 'field-public'.

This means that you do not think in a vacuum, but that your thoughts are created from transactions with other fields. Thoughts can be passed on from generation to generation not just by photographs, print, or the spoken word, but also by the strength of thoughts remaining in your mind fields.” from the book, There’s a Spiritual Solution to Every Problem, by Wayne Dyer.

Grandpa Crisafi (my mother's father), Dad, Aunt Kay (Mom's sister), Mom, Grandma Crisafi, Uncle Frank (Mom's brother) 1953

Does this mean that our ancestors’ pain and trauma can influence our present life? Is it possible to inherit health issues, relationship and career problems and not even know it?

The answer is YES!!!

Grandma Centuori (Dad's mother), Grandma Crisafi (Mom's mother), Grandpa Crisafi and Grandpa Centuori
1954

“Events that have occurred in past generations can impact our present life experiences. Hidden family dynamics, often spanning two or more generations, may create imbalance or disharmony in the family ‘field’*. These disturbances may lead to illness, depression, suicides, anger, guilt, alcoholism, relationship difficulties, accidents or career problems for current family members. Systemic Family Constellation Therapy (SFCT)  has the power to shift generations of suffering and unhappiness by resolving unconscious patterns. It facilitates the restoration of the flow of love between family members who are alive and those who have passed away. Constellation work allows movement toward restoring balance and well-being.

SFCT was developed by Bert Hellinger, a well-known German psychotherapist and former Christian monk. He worked for many years as a missionary in Africa. He developed his approach by observing the work of shamans and integrating it with psychotherapeutic understanding. Bert Hellinger studied and treated families for more than 50 years and his work is widely practiced in Western Europe and other countries of the world.” from  https://transformationalhealing.me/

My Mom's big family with uncles, aunts and cousins - including my Great-Grandma (next to my Mom) - 1953

I have been fortunate enough to have my own family constellation and participate in many sessions. It is a powerful healing therapy and changed my life!

Here is how it works:

“A person addresses an issue in a group setting. Rather than having the actual relatives there, he/she sets up a ‘constellation’ using representatives to stand in their place. Through the ‘field’, these representatives experience what the actual relatives feel or experience (without this affecting the representatives personally in any negative way.) Destructive ‘entanglements’ or blocks are revealed. Then using the constellation, these detrimental  bonds can be released and healing attained.” - from  http://douglaseconomy.com/

Typically, constellations are a group process. Everyone sits in a circle and the constellation is held within the circle. When I had my own constellation, I chose representatives for my mother, father, brother, my grandparents and myself.

My Dad, Aunt Rita (sister), Uncle Joe (brother), Uncle Eddy (brother), Uncle Jules (brother-in-law)
1953

Douglas Economy, a New Jersey holistic psychotherapist who specializes in constellation work, facilitated my constellation.  I set up the constellation by  placing each representative  in different positions within the circle or ‘field’. Then I sat down and watched in amazement as each representative began to experience feelings, thoughts, moods and even physical sensations of each one of my family members.

I was in awe!  Through the help of my representatives and  Douglas, I was able to  find the root cause of my “entanglement” -  the strained relationship between my mother and her father, my grandfather.  With healing words of love, honor and acknowledgment,  the negative energetic burden that was put upon my mother and myself now transformed  to an energy of pure love, acceptance and strength. Almost like magic, an enormous sense of peace and love swept  through the room. 

Everyone felt this incredible shift in energy.

It was a miracle!

This new shift in love and acceptance  was not only experienced by myself, but by my family as well. (None of my family witnessed my constellation session or knew anything about it.) But the most amazing thing of all,was the change that I saw in my mother. Soon after the constellation,   I noticed that she was more light hearted and calmer.  It was as if some kind of burden was lifted from her and a new sense of security emerged.

SFCT is still new in the U.S., but workshops are slowly popping up throughout the country. Participating as a representative or just as an observer is just as valuable as having your own constellation. “All participants have the opportunity to tap into the information that exists in the ‘field’ and may benefit from the knowledge.”

Having your own constellation is a profound and moving experience. It is a life changing event. But the truth is that,  words are inadequate to illustrate the power and beauty of a constellation session. It is a phenomenon that must be experienced. So if you are looking for a happier, healthier and more fulfilling path in your life, I highly recommend Systemic Family Constellation.

It is truly a miracle therapy - for everyone!

* “The ‘field’, as identified by biophysicist, Rupert Sheldrake, is the place which holds the record or information pattern of our entire family system. It is similar to  inheriting  DNA  from our forebears. This energetic informational  field ‘knows’ the deep down realities of the family system and contains not only the deep-seated wounds, but the mode of healing, as well.”  - from  www.familyconstellationwork.net

© Danette Whelan 2015