Sunday, July 13, 2014


We had a quiet Fourth of July so it gave me a chance to observe my 87 year old mom.

My mother is one tough biscotto! (Italian for cookie ) She was the oldest of five in a working class urban Italian-American family. Growing up during the Great Depression gave her the survival skills she needed to beat cancer three times. And she is undoubtedly one of the most strong-willed persons I’ve ever known (not that is necessarily always a good thing).

Even though she may look frail and slightly bent over, she is keenly observant, ferociously opinionated and vocal, and doesn’t give a hoot who she offends. She never complains about her health, except for memory issues that are just beginning to creep up, and is contently living with her constant feline companion, Rusty.

Thanks to my mom, I learned to be a survivor and never give up when I was chronically sick with chronic Lyme or MSIDS - Multi-Systemic Infectious Disease Syndrome . Thanks to my mom, I learned to write things down, make lists and get organized. Thanks to my mom, I learned to stretch a dollar. But most of all, thanks to my mom, I learned to play the piano which led me to my career as a teacher, pianist and composer.

MOM and ME

As I gaze upon my mom, I finally realize that I can look upon her with love, forgiveness and compassion. But it wasn’t always this way. For many years, I didn’t feel the slightest compassion or gratitude toward my mom. Was this a character flaw? Was there something wrong with me? Was this the attitude of a spoiled brat? Or were these negative feelings actually mirroring negative thought patterns of my mother!

“...We are all on an endless journey through eternity. We come to this planet to learn particular lessons that will advance us on our spiritual and evolutionary pathway. We choose our sex, our color, our country; then we look around for the perfect set of parents who will mirror the pattern we are bringing in to work on in this lifetime...Then when we grow up, we usually point our fingers at our parents and whisper, ‘You did it to me.’ But really, we chose them for they were perfect for what we wanted to work on overcoming.”....from the book, YOU CAN HEAL YOUR LIFE by Louise L. Hay.

As I became aware of my thoughts, I also became aware  that my mother was completely oblivious to her thoughts, words and actions. As a young child, I looked up to my mother as if she was a goddess. But as I entered my vulnerable teenage years, I became rebellious and explored different ideas and beliefs than my parents. My mother refused to accept the new me. She refused to listen to ideas that were different than hers.

Our relationship became tense and full of drama. During this period, many nasty words were exchanged in the heat of the moment. Words that my mother forgot - but I didn’t. These cutting words gave me emotional scars that affected every part of my life. As a result, I silently and sub-consciously blamed my mother for many of my problems.

And it took me many years to finally come to terms with the fact that she did the best that she could, with what she herself had learned in life. By exploring and releasing the past, I am now able to live in the present and heal. MFT (Mental Field Therapy), APN (Applied Psycho-Neurobiology) and CST (Cranial-Sacral Therapy), are among the energetic therapies that find and release stuck negative patterns.

I do not blame my mother any more. I have released negative feeling about her. My thoughts are my responsibility.

I can finally say that this was a lesson for me. A lesson in forgiveness, gratefulness and compassion.

A life Earth school.