A NEW WAY OF THINKING

I am reading a book that has profoundly changed my way of thinking. For me, it has answered the question of who we are, why we are here, why we suffer, and what is our purpose. The book has also introduced the concept that we have two different thought processes - ego thought and divine thought.

Ego thoughts are derived from fear, which manifests as anger, hate, guilt and resentment. They bounce from the past to the future.

Divine thoughts come from love, expressed as joy, gratitude, compassion, and are always in the present mind.

Back in 2011, I remember Dr. Gurevich telling me “it’s time to change the way you think.”  I remember being shocked at these words.  “My thinking is fine,” I thought. But I was so wrong. At that time, I wasn’t aware of my thoughts. I had no idea that I was engulfed in ego thought and that most of these subconscious thoughts were looping around in my mind and repeating the same mantra over and over again...I am a victim, I am being punished, I’m not good enough!!

I started to become aware of my thoughts when I was washing the dinner dishes one night. All of a sudden, my thoughts churned up past feelings of being pissed off at either my mom, or a childhood friend, or someone in my past that I believed had wronged me.

One evening, when I was preparing dinner, the thought that I was pissed off at my mother for something she said to me when I was in high school, popped into my head. It was as if my mom was right next to me, talking in an authoritative, unloving voice of disapproval of one of my  friends at that time. I remember feeling suffocated and trapped. She did not want to hear my reason for our friendship. She just didn’t like the way this person looked. Her opinion was purely based on the way he looked. I felt that I couldn’t get through to her and there was nothing I can do. I felt a rage coming over me, I despised her at that time, for being so judging.  I remember thinking, I couldn’t wait to get out of the house and get away from her. And where did this drama unfold?

In the kitchen, while preparing dinner!

And that’s when it hit me:

Was this past thought jumping up every time I prepared dinner? Could this be a reason why preparing even a simple dinner  was so burdening for me? Sure enough, the next night, my thoughts were instantly going back to the same past argument with my mother. How was I going to get this out of my head? What I didn’t realize at that time was that I already begun the process of letting go that thought. I had become aware of one thought that was causing me anger, grief and literally torturing me every time I prepared dinner.

At that time, I was still sick with Lyme symptoms, so I turned to Dr. Gurevich to help me to let go of this past trauma. Releasing conditioned ego thoughts are very hard to do on your own. (See The Holistic Dr. Gurevich for my therapy session with Dr. Gurevich)

Since I am symptom free now, I have found wonderful practitioners near me, who have helped to shift my thoughts of fear and anger to love and forgiveness.

Douglas Economy, a Holistic Psychotherapist and Life Coach,  specializes in Family Constellation workshops, and  has helped me to release past trauma and see myself and my loved ones, in a loving and joyful way.  Family constellation work is a powerful therapy that has profoundly changed my life! (See Systemic Family Constellation - A Miracle Therapy) for more info.

Kathy Sali is a gifted CranioSacral Therapist who has helped me to resolve physical as well as emotional pain. She has helped me to connect to my Spiritual Self and to the truth of who I am. Kathy is part of my life  journey in forgiveness work and staying healthy in mind, body and spirit. (See CranioSacral Therapy & Somato Emotional Release for my healing session with Kathy).

I feel very blessed that Douglas and Kathy are part of my journey of wellness. I am also blessed that they have helped me to  decipher and understand the life changing book that I mentioned earlier. For this book, is the foundation to a new way of thinking for me. Thinking without fear, without judgment, and with forgiveness, is very new to me.  And that is why I am now a student.

A student in learning to think and act with love and kindness. A student of forgiving and letting go. A student of transforming my thoughts into my “heaven on Earth.”

I am blessed to be a student of “A Course in Miracles.”

Overcoming the Fear of Lyme Disease

This is a  picture of my lower front leg.  Yes, that is some type of rash and most likely a bite from a mosquito or some other flying insect. The funny thing is that I don’t remember any insect biting me.  I hadn’t been on the grass. I wasn’t hiking that weekend. The “bite” seemed to pop up out of nowhere! 

The mysterious rash...

But what I do remember was that this spot started to itch when I was  hearing a very angry speaker at a discussion group.  And what is more bizarre was that I was sitting next  to a woman with a huge black rose tattoo on her thigh and I thought to myself “How could she do that to her leg?” As I was becoming irritated  by the speaker and annoyed by the tattooed girl, that spot on my leg was also becoming more and more irritating and annoying!

Was this a coincidence or a connection? Was this “bite” some kind of emotional reaction?

Within a few days, the  bite expanded and the itching became insanely unbearable. To my horror, I realized that this “bite” looked similar to the original  bullseye  “bite”  that was on my chest back in the spring of 1996.  Memories of that first bite, that plunged me into chronic Lyme disease, flooded my thoughts with fear, panic and dread.

Oh My God, why is this  happening all over again?  Am I’m going to get sick!  I can’t believe it! What is wrong with me? This is not fair! This sucks! I’m screwed!....were the thoughts that were hysterically looping around in my mind.

I also realized that my past trauma was causing me to react on the physical level.  That is “my fear of suspicious bites, triggered my fear of chronic illness (aka chronic Lyme), which triggered my immune system to react.”  (See I Think I’m Getting the Fear - for a  fascinating  therapy session with Dr. Gurevich in which he helps me to overcome the fear of bites and sickness back in 2012).

But with this  new trigger, comes the realization that  I still had more work to do! I was in a complete state of panic! I took a deep breath in order to gather my thoughts and within  a matter of seconds, I became aware that I caught myself  thinking like a victim!

“Why am I telling myself  that I’m going to get sick? Why?  My sickness was in the past. I feel great now!  So why am I screaming to myself “You’re going to get sick!!”

Why would I be wishing misery and sickness for myself? Do I subconsciously want myself to be sick?

Or could this be a thought pattern that I said to myself many, many  times and was just not aware of?

I have learned that every physical condition starts with a thought! This “bite” was my trigger to let me know that I had more healing to do. My fear of bug bites leading to chronic illness had not been fully resolved back in 2012 with Dr. Gurevich. This new trigger was now  my opportunity to shift my perspective from being attacked, to healing  at a deeper emotional and, yes, spiritual level.  And...I had to act quickly before my thoughts had time to manifest into an alter reality of my own creation. In other words, I had to put myself in a healing state before my powerful, influential thoughts became real physical symptoms.

So within a few days…

I began to drink the Lime Medicine Tea - a natural anti-malarial blood cleanser and effective detoxifier, that boosts your immune system! (Click Lime Medicine Tea for the article and recipe.)

Started a course of doxycycline.

Practiced Tapping (Mental Field Therapy) - to help me to overcome the fear of recurring Lyme disease. But since this  fear was so huge and so out of control for me, I could not overcome this fear on my own. I needed help.

So...

During my weekly spiritual discussion group, I talked about my problem and Douglas Economy offered to help me with a constellation process . Through the constellation, Doug guided me into seeing the bite through a  higher, loving perspective.  With this shift,  I was able to observe the rash without fear or judgment. (Click Systemic Family Constellation - A Miracle Therapy for more info)

I also was lucky enough to see CranioSacral Therapist, Kathy Moser, the following day. Kathy helped me to connect to the love,  healer and Holy Spirit within me. Through Kathy’s powerful therapy, I was able to shift out of a state of fear into a state of unconditional love, forgiveness and wellness.  Through this shift, I was seeing myself in a new perspective. I began to see that  my thoughts of recurring Lyme symptoms, are not a part of who I am.  Kathy guided me into seeing my fear of brain fog and fatigue as flowing water, naturally moving from my head through my spine down my legs to my bite and back. This visualization shifted my awareness to a state of inner relaxation and peace.  (Click CranioSacral Therapy & Somato Emotional Release for a past healing session with Kathy)

The fear of Lyme is not who I am and I forgive myself for believing this. Thoughts of fear are beliefs that I created. But they are not real. They are just an illusion that I believed was real. When I shift to my state of unconditional love, I am in a state of peace and wellness. I am learning to see that this is reality. It simply is reality for it cannot be changed. Thoughts of fear - any kind of fear - are not real. - These thoughts can be changed.

When you believe fear is real, then you create  drama in your life. When you see yourself as love and peace, then your life will reflect your inner thoughts.

So with this new perspective in my thought process,  am I out of the panic zone?

Yes!  

But I can honestly say... only for now….

My 2012 Lyme panic and now this new one were not the only times I have had large, irritated itchy, horrible looking, questionable “bites" on my body.  Since my first bite back in 1996, I have had a history of “suspicious bites” like the one  pictured above.  The question that is rolling around in my mind is how can I prevent this “trigger” from happening again? Can it be done?

Yes - I believe it can!

But learning that my reality is unconditional love  - a state of ultimate health and wellness of the body, mind and spirit,  is a belief that is new to me. And this is the healing journey that is ahead of me.

My healing journey has become a spiritual journey of healing my mind. For this, I believe, is the source of all my fears.